It’s just one of those days where I feel I am about to snap. Everyone wants a piece of me, and they don’t seem to understand that they aren’t the priority. Granted, most of them get it when I explain that I cannot help them now but will help them later this week, because I’m working on this one massive project. 99.9% of them nod and say they will either figure it out on their own, or that they’ll talk to me at the end of the week. I love them. But then, there’s that 0.01% who seems to think that the world revolves around him.
He feels that when he wants something we should all stop what we’re doing and revel in the wonderfulness that is him. (He has a poster sized picture of himself on his office wall. Seriously.) Telling him, “No, really. I cannot help you now. The lease for Company X is up in 2 weeks, and we’re moving them all to Location Y. I need to finish the logistics of this” doesn’t sway him in the least. Company X doesn’t fit into his worldview at the moment and doesn’t care that their deadline is more important than me making him lunch reservations. Which will no doubt change tomorrow and then the next day. And I know I’m not the only one doing this for him – he’ll ask another assistant to do the exact same thing. He says that his way of doing things is better, because he subscribes to the Kaizen mind-set. Hmmmm, if that were the case, you wouldn’t have people doing the same job twice, which is actually the job we’re paying you to do! You are a lawyer; we are assistants – why do you assume we can do the same job you can do? Maybe in Canada they give out law degrees to whoever asks for one.
His view, by the way, really only consists of Canada and why the US sucks in comparison to it. If that’s so, then why did you move your arrogant ass down here in the first place buddy? I should’ve screwed with his immigration papers while I had the chance.
And to top it off, it's not even lunch yet and I've spilled coffee in my lap. No, actually, not my lap - my crotch. Now I'm sure he'll think that, "At least in Canada, people don't pee their pants."