I’ve been in, but not of, life.
Too much time spent on the hamster wheel …
… spinning …
… spinning …
… spinning … but never moving forward.
I’ve been dreaming.
Wanting to shake up my dream tree. I've been shaking it, but nothing falls.
… apart from it, but not a part of it.
Too much time spent behind a book, or a lens. Experiencing life only through words on a screen or via second-hand phone conversations. Never first hand, except for momentary grasps. And stolen kisses.
Hiding behind closed doors, because my house is no longer my home. No longer my safe haven.
Living, but only through another’s view.
Maybe what I am trying to say to myself is this …
Self? Stop being a passive observer, and become an active participant in your own damn life.
Self? Stop doing a Phoenix impersonation and use that tinder to build something, instead of burning it down.
Self? Remember. Remember that it really isn’t so bad. There is joy in the ordinary.
(I mean, seriously? Self? Get off the wheel. It could be worse – you could have bifurcated paws.)
(And here's a video. Just because it's been in my head for a few days. This song turned me onto the Buena Vista Social Club. The documentary is fantastic too ... rent it. Buy the CD.)